I know the Olympics are a celebration of countless individuals' lifelong dedication to being literally the best in the world at a particular athletic event. And that kind of dedication is admirable, and something I personally lack. I strive to be mediocre to serviceable at best in all that I do. But I have to say, for whatever reason, I wake up every morning and almost can't believe the degree of apathy I feel when it comes to the Olympics. Winter Olympics. Summer Olympics. Do they have a Spring and Fall Olympics? I don't effing know. That's how little I care about this over-hyped sporting event that somehow seems to be on every single year even though it's supposed to be every four. I think anyway. Honestly, I don't even pay attention to that either. All I know is that, after a very short amount of time seems to have passed, there are guys running around tracks, women skiing, weirdos curling, all over my TV screen and on every internet page, with talking heads regaling about the accomplishments of gymnasts, luge people, swimmers and all other sorts of athletes I never heard of and who I cease hearing about once this colossal waste of television time I am endlessly subjected to concludes. And suddenly all of your friends, who knew nothing about skeet shooting or whatever the hell else events the Olympics conjure up - that's all they talk about, like they have been rabid fans all along. I don't know. I just find the Olympics so wearisome. Maybe I'm un-American. I don't care how many medals my country wins, or what color the medals are - gold, silver, bronze, blah blah blah. I just want the Olympics to end. But I'm too lazy and disinterested to even find out when they end. I hope soon. I for one am ready for the baseball season to start. Until then, I will continue to flip past Olympic athletes pumping their fists in the air in celebration. I'm glad sacrificing your entire childhood to win a bronze medal was worth it to you, and I congratulate your stick-to-it-tive-ness and fierce loyalty in pursuing greatness, waking up at 3 a.m. every day to practice a triple axel on your little ice skates. But your next amazing feat will be getting the hell off my TV screen along with all of your Olympic buddies and returning my life back to normal - channel surfing a vast abyss of nothingness on TV that, at the very least, is not the Olympic games. Please end. Please. Because I take the gold medal in not giving a s%*t.
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